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Eat Mor (LGBT) Chikin – LGBT Poultry in Business

August 1, 2012


Until recently, I was completely unaware of the LGBT chicken community. I have overheard many people talking about comments made by Chick-fil-A executive, Dan Cathy. The media has had a frenzy over the remarks; Christians, conservatives, the LGBT community, and everyone else is all abuzz with mindless chatter. Therefore, I am here to give you the right direction. The actual, factual comments remain a mystery to the Sensei. Also, I still remain unclear about “Chick-fil-A”s (what is it?). No matter, the Sensei only needs ears to hear, and minds to mold. I will give you everything you need to know  regarding the interaction with and consumption of LGBT chickens.

What is an LGBT chicken? This is any sort of chicken that lives an alternative lifestyle. LGBT chickens do not partake in a traditional marriage. Those same-sex chickens will have to adopt chicks, and may face adversity within the poultry community at large. Perhaps those chickens may chose to “feather out” differently from other poultry. Maybe those chickens have interests in fowl cuisine, popular poultry culture, or the cluck-cluck of Hennywood. The sexual orientation of any individual chicken should not exclude them from the dinner table.

Contrary to popular belief, eating a gay chicken does not make you gay. I refuse to base my eating decisions on the sexuality of any particular animal. It seems like too much work. The amount of legwork required to determine an LGBT chicken from a traditional chicken is painstakingly difficult. I am not a chicken expert, but most chickens look the same to me. Poultry headed for consumption will only live 4 months before bhieing slaughtered. Let the chickens live their short lives in peace.

Chick-fil-As should serve whatever chicken they can acquire. How much money is the company wasting by investigating the private life of each fowl? Couldn’t that money be given to charities? My personal message to Chick-fil-A executives is thus: stop judging chickens, and feed me more of them!

Eat Mor (LGBT) Chikin.




April 11, 2011

Today’s thought. Why do people listen to you?


Earthquake Brothers, Tsunami Sisters

March 15, 2011


I have been absent from the interweb for some time now. The fact is, sometimes we just lose sight of what is important. Lets be honest with each other (sometimes I’m perhaps too honest). It is easy to forget about what really matters, we get so caught up in our daily routine…we forget. We forget about words, thoughts, lyrics, deeds, and people. For I, the Sensei, even forget how much my students need my teaching. Perhaps it is I who need the students, however. Forgetfulness often lures us into hidden snares. We must be mindful.

Mindful of each other.

An ancient maxim reads…

Do not let forgetfulness creep in. Be mindful. Do not let indifference begin. Be mindful. Do not let apathy sit within. Be mindful. Help cary the load of your brother’s sin. Be mindful.

Learn to control the self-centeredness that sets in each of our lives. Now is the time to be mindful. Especially mindful of our neighbors in Japan. Mother nature could have her way anytime, anywhere. The important thing remains: be mindful, race to the side of those who need.


Thoughts on Thoughts

December 7, 2010

It has been far too long since my last post. I do apologize. You’ve heard the term “no excuses,” this accurately describes the current predicament I occupy. Unfortunately, todays nugget of wisdom will be smaller than most.

Only to prove a point though!

The right word satisfies more than a multitude of words. The word today is: Filter. This is my thought on thoughts. I urge you, please filter your thoughts. Whoever told you to “speak your mind” probably wasn’t subjected to your unfiltered consciousness. For the sake of humanity, put a cap on that thing! Head the advise of this great man…

You are wearing out my ears with your mouth” -Somebody Important


The Dangers of Longboarding

September 23, 2010

Longboarding is an activity that preys upon unsuspecting, innocent students who believe they are subscribing to a certain status and culture with good moral and value assumptions. This particular activity brings three detestable results to our youth: laziness, physical harm, and decreased intelligence. These three adverse effects of longboarding should spur us to take a stand against such atrocities. The continued education of our young adults is an important task that must be maintained in order to secure the intellectual longevity of our country. Longboarding opposes that system of continued education under the guise of fun transportation.

The first problem that longboarding creates with young adults is laziness. Walking around campus, to class, takes up a majority of the time students spend on campus. Students often want to cut that travel time in half in order to make time for different activities around campus. So in order to make travel faster around campus, students buy longboards. This faster mode of transportation fosters laziness in the students. The snooze button on the alarm gets used a few more times each morning because they have a longboard. Breakfast is often the first thing to go for students with longboards, and in turn the brain does not function properly in the mornings. The brain goes into a state of vegetation, and students are unable to stay awake during class because of the decreased wake up time. Walking often gives students time to collect their thoughts and mentally prepare for class, longboarding does not provide this opportunity. Not to mention the decrease in physical usage of the legs harms the student’s physical health.

The positive physical benefits of walking around campus greatly outweigh the decrease in travel time. Walking raises the heart rate, works out muscles in the body, and allows for interaction among other students. All of these things are essential to the student in order to maintain a healthy college lifestyle. Longboarding may provide a raised heart rate and some exercise, but never to the degree that walking around campus does. So longboarding not only foster laziness in students, it can also cause physical harm.

The last and most dangerous effect of longboarding is a decrease in intelligence among students. This decrease in mental activity can be seen in two ways, lack of interaction among other students and lack of participation in the classroom. The first is obvious; how can you meet and talk with other students while you are longboarding around campus? It is impossible. Even if you consider getting off of the longboard, you will be late to class because the snooze button was used too many times that morning. This leads directly to the second intellectual pitfall of longboarding, decrease in class participation. This stems from the laziness longboarding brings. The inability to function in class leads to poor performance, poor grades, and poor status. Staying awake and engaged in class is impossible without some time to wake up before. Because of the nature of longboarding as discussed earlier, this is not possible. This lack of participation leads to poor grades, which eventually, can lead to economic poverty due to a lack of education.

Longboarding is a problematic activity among the youth of America. It leads to nothing but self-destruction, which in turn could lead to the destruction of our national community. It does this by destroying education and community on the local level. College is a time to create good habits that will enable you to be successful in life after college. Longboarding does nothing but set you up for failure through laziness, physical incompetence, and decrease in intellectual activity. Beware of the longboard, it may move you in a direction you don’t want to go.


How to Help a Friend (I Love You, but You’re Wrong)

September 9, 2010

We all have friends who subscribe to the notion that they are never wrong. We go to class with them, we eat lunch with them, watch movies, take walks, car rides, and live life with these “gods of infallibility.” When faced with imminent correction, these individuals begin to engage in a poorly constructed (based loosely on a “sorta truth”) arguments defending their position. Often times the defense of their statement ends with the innocent listener being blamed with a misinterpretation of what the “Almighty Knower” said. This issue of never being wrong can extend to any number of topics, and usually does. From the nature of the universe to relationship advice, your friend will tell you exactly how you should live life. A whole host of headaches plague the brave few who befriend someone with such knowledge, and the task is seemingly impossible. I intend to make this task much easier for those few by asking one simple question…

How do you correct the uncorrectable? i.e. How can you help a friend look less like an idiot to everyone else?

The road to enlightenment is never easy. Pushing someone down that road is even easier. Every relationship with a Knower of All Knowledge eventually comes to a fork in the road. You must decide whether to put up with the current state of the friendship or be willing to sacrifice the friendship for the betterment of mankind. The world needs correcting, and so do the people in it. It is your responsibility to help the Know-It-All understand their misguidedness.

This task can only be achieved when you are willing put it all on the line for your friend.

I suggest writing a letter, leaving a memo, sending an email, or even a social networking message. The message may begin any number of ways. “Dear John, you aren’t right all the time…””Dear John,  you suck…””Dear John, how dare you…””Dear John, I love you, but sometimes…” These are all valid positions to take when confronting your friend. You may prefer to have a physical conversation, and I deeply discourage this.

The reason I discourage face-to-face confrontation is obvious, the recipient of such news may lash out in anger, both physically and/or verbally. Any attack on the wealth of knowledge held by such a person can be dangerous to deal with. Also, the convenience of being able to go back and read the confrontation multiple times may help the news sink in and settle. After all, you are condemning said friend’s activities out of necessity.

You are much like Frodo carrying the ring into the depths of Mordor. You don’t WANT to, but you MUST. Whatever joy you derive from confronting your friend should be held deep in your heart, never to be known. Either way the situation goes, you end up a winner by A. losing a terrible friend or B. gaining version 2.0 of the old one. These tips will help you when confronting your friends.


Labor On! Thine America!

September 6, 2010

Labor Day is the celebration of the American way AND the continued renewal of thus way. We choose this day to honor the things that make America possible. Grown men and woman (children too, if you’re ok with that) laboring throughout the year to ascertain this “Americanness” and also to fill their pockets (and America’s pocket too). Day in, Day out, Day in, Day out…working…sweating…meeting…lunching…elevating…office chairing…


Where do these strong, successful men and women come from?


Without babies…no one would exist. The elderly would die, end of story. As everyone knows, babies grow up into adults. Adults are the bricks of America, with babies as a solid foundation. The American Adult continually operates this wonderful, magical country. They laugh, work, and play hard. Eventually they…fall in love with one another, and in turn have babies, kids, teenagers, etc… I know a thorough explanation of life’s cycle isn’t necessary. You get the picture! All of that to say this, mothers across the globe (and Arnold Schwarzenegger from the movie Junior) go through hours (days even!) of horrific pain, laboring to release a child from her womb. That child grows up into a healthy, wealthy, wise business man; cut throat in his ways, refusing to give his employees time off so that America can continue to prosper!?!

*(which also causes the invention of labor unions…yada yada…employees deserve to be treated a certain way…whatever…labor day comes into existence…which honestly wouldn’t even exist without adults that stem from babies).

THIS is the real reason behind labor day. We should honor those women we know as mothers. Tell a mother how much you appreciate the labor she went through for her country. I implore you to give honor where honor is due. Perhaps, you could make a visit to the local hospital with several bags of greasy, meaty hamburgers and pass them out to hungry, laboring mothers as a sign of your own gratitude. Go into the room and offer your assistance, whatever it takes. Let them know YOU care.